My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
