if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
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dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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