clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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