i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
only if we run a train.
done.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
