I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
