I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
