You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
