When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
