yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
