please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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