If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
