So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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