I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
