took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
did you just send me my own nude
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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