I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
