im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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