theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
