from now on my penis is your penis
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
