sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize