why didn't you poke me back
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
