I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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