I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
