did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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