Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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