Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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