this beer tastes like vomit already
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
