addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
