One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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