My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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