Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i dont even know how to be here
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
