Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
