you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
