1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
