Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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