My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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