I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
