He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
