guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
