being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
