I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
