Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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