I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
