I wish I could teleport
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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