Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
