I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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