Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
