Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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