Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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