is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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