Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
