i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize