If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
