I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
