Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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