I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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