Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
