they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The uberlube is also flammable
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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