I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
