I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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