But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
