i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
