I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry about my life...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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