your thong is hanging out like whoa
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
