I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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