We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
