yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
