I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
