speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
