I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
