hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
