You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
