my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
