You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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