i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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