i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
