I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boobs speak an international language.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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