I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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