Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
